Hey there and welcome to my new online home.
I am not sure when my desire to write a blog series about relationships actually started. I’ve watched fragile tears fall off the cheeks of someone freshly rejected. Maybe I am burdened because I listen to song lyrics that focus on disintegrating relationships. Thank goodness for the groovy beat and melody of Adele’s music. Mercy.
Rumor does have it*** that each of us are involved in dozens of relationships. Sometimes we relate to one another as friends or as co-workers. Some of us are married. You may be a mother and a sister. A student or a mentor. The way we relate to those around us is limitless.
Necessary.
And in trouble.
Sometimes, how we relate to one another is just plain… weird. Look at this gem from Pinterest:
I mean… it’s true isn’t it?
We also smile and nod at one another as we come and go from our daughter’s dance class or son’s Tae Kwon Do class. We click “like” on a post or click a “heart” on a picture in our social media feed. So much nodding and clicking done in the name of relating. Yes, these are polite and well-intentioned gestures, but do they increase our intimacy with one another? Our culture considers them to be the acceptable way of relating to one another now. I am not so sure they are.
However, I too, am good at nodding and smiling. I can click “like” and “heart” like a boss. I also read what many of you post online. Drama and heartbreak dot your relationships. So picture me sitting beside you with my warm mug of green tea. I ask how the majority of your relationships are going. What would you turn to me and say?
“They are perfect, Tracy!”
“Not so good.”
“I guess they are ok. I mean, I totally know what is going on with everyone because I keep up with my Facebook feed.”
Yikes. Answers are all over the place.
I think it is time for us to gather and talk about relationships. Relating to others is tricky and rewarding. In the midst of our relational ups and downs, a perfect and loving God is reaching out, wanting to relate to us as well.
So let’s get real and talk about issues like drama, loyalty, and social media for these impact our relationships. Prep yourself for some “serious” with a little bit of “silly” as we wade through all of this together. Heaven knows we all need to laugh a little for relating to others can be humbling, a little awkward, and again, plain weird. I cannot wait to journey through all of this with you.
Before you go, would you say “hi” and answer a question for me below in the comment section? What is something you feel strengthens relationships? What is something that weakens them? I’d love to know!
Thanks for stopping by my new blog,
Tracy 🙂
***Astute Adele fans will know what I did just there. Lol.
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Love, love, LOVE this!!! Definitely plan on staying connected my dear!!!!! You are wonderful!
Ok.. I completely ignored the question you asked. Well, I’ll speak in regards to my marital relationship. I’m sure that everyone has a story or an obstacle to speak about when it comes to their own marriages, in my case, it has been pretty stinkin real let me tell ya! FRIENDS FIRST is my advice.. not that we were friends first BUT we are both best friends and spouses. It sounds like it goes hand in hand but it does not.. you must be true friends as well. When marital strife hits.. taking the mairital parts out temporarily and being each other’s true friend WILL mend the issues at hand, well as long as you both want to of course. That’s my tidbit. Have a great day!
Kristen: I adore you I love that you brought up the issue of friendship in marriage. So important. Thank you for sharing.
Ah, Tracy girl! Congrats on the online move and the new blog. How exciting!
Relationships are so my jam (maybe that’s the coach/relater in me) so I am very pumped for your journey here.
Things that strengthen relationships: Jesus + authenticity (and the occasional good cup of coffee!)
Things that weaken relationships: Jerkface Satan + false interaction.
I was joking with a bestie last night via text about how much I miss her and another friend after our recent PCS… I told her that I almost (jokingly) wish she would have been a suckier friend so that the bar wasn’t so dang high this time around lol. I was very blessed to have the BEST community I’ve EVER had in my LIFE back at Fort Lewis– so praying the Lord brings more Jesus-y relationships my way now that we are in GA.
Love you to friend– grateful for our URL relationship, and hopeful that someday it will turn very much IRL! <3
Sharita: How I have missed our online bantering. I love how you put things. You are my people. I am praying for your new assignment in GA. There are seasons where God filled me up and others where He asked me to pour, and pour, and pour out. You are not there by mistake- I trust He will use you in mighty ways my friend esp if this is a pouring out season. And yes, we must figure out this IRL deal. I am pretty sure I know where we are PCSing next and it will make you smile. But that is all I can say for now. Annoying I know… sorry. And EMAW.
Congratulations my brave friend! I am so excited to see how God will use you in this new endeavor!
Helps relationships: honesty! Authenticity. I greatly dislike when people give me a surface answer which I know I am guilty of as well.
Hurts relationships: Pride and time are the first things that come to my mind. Pride because I feel like that’s what keeps us from being authentic or social expectations like you said. Time because, honestly, I feel like a crummy friend these days. I struggle to have a real conversation while trying to wrangle the kids or schedule time to even get there. But I know it’s a season, and I love it! But I miss that part of my life a bit.
Love you!
Thanks for sharing Melisa. Authenticity and time are biggies for me too. We are in a “season” for sure and it IS passing quickly. Love you friend. And thanks for always being “real” with me.
I love you Tracy and I love your new blog! I am so proud of you! Thank you for always keeping it real and starting real conversations with other real women. I love your heart so much. What strengthens relationships? Honesty and communication when it is done well and in love. This has strengthened my relationship with my husband so much and has given us a deeper understanding of one another. It isn’t always easy but it is what is always best for us. What hurts relationships? Not giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. If you love your friend or husband and you know their character, give them the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t do this in the beginning of my marriage and I learned a lot through it. In the end, we are all human and we make mistakes even when we are unaware of it at times.
Erika: I love that you brought up being honest and doing so “in love.” This is a biggie and something that is NOT happening within many online relationships. Some blog posts should be devoted to this for sure. Benefit of the doubt is important too. Thank you for sharing. You are wise my friend.
Hey Tracy, I think the best thing to strengthen a relationship is one on one time without any distractions…music, TV, food crowd… Two of my best friends came out to visit this fall and we spent hours sitting in zero gravity chairs on the back porch just visiting about everything. It was awesome. I love to do my devotion time on that same porch. I think the hardest thing on relationships is conversations with TV going in back ground, kids interrupting etc. Sid & I love long walks and quiet conversations away from the crazy world… even if it is only while sitting in the front yard swing!
Hours in zero gravity chairs??? Sounds amazing!!! You give me hope and thank you for sharing since the two of us are in two different seasons 🙂 I appreciate you.
I could not agree more that in the age of technology and antisocial media, relationships are changing. Authenticity and reciprocity are important to me. That said, expectations of reciprocity and what that looks like have gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’ve learned that I don’t expect anything other than to serve and come in last place. If I go into a relationship hoping to lose arguments and serve without ever being served, that’s when I see Jesus work the most to bring whatever person that may be closer.
I’d be interested to hear your perspective on maintaining relationships long distance. And creating new ones in a new place where you don’t know anyone and have no family there.
Rachel– thank you for being so vulnerable in your comments. I think expectations are a huge part of why relationships take a nose dive. I wish to encourage you though with one thing if I may. Other people may make us feel “less then” and “last place” but remember in the eyes of your Heavenly Father you are not “less than” or “last”. I encourage you to sit with Matthew 19. Pay attention to verse 30. Email me and let me know what you think it means 🙂 Would love to talk further with you about this. And yes, I am planning on addressing long distance and its effects on relationships since it is my life. Sigh.
Love your new blog! I think time spent together strengthens relationships. Looking at each other and talking, sharing your heart, desires, fears and struggles. You can’t be in a strong relationship without time spent together. The opposite weakens relationships. Silence, busyness and lack of honest sharing pull people apart.
Hi Ruth! So glad you stopped by. Time, silence, busyness. Yes to all. Thank you for sharing.
Hello precious friend! I’m so thankful God has called you on this journey and that you listened and obeyed! Rock Star! I’m sure it is challenging sometimes…esp when “jerkface Satan (as your friend above pointedly named) tries to trip you. Keep walking hand in hand with Jesus.
I would have to say that I feel like Pride and Selfishness are at the root of so many relationship struggles.
Things that help: Praying for the other person — hard to stay mad at someone you are praying for daily. I admit I am struggling to pray for someone who has deeply hurt me. Most days I can barely think their name but I’m hoping Jesus will intercede for my benefit and the benefit of this person. Maybe one day I will be able to pray a whole sentence for this person….baby steps for now.
Taking time to think of the other person and how they might have a different perspective on the situation/relationship can also help.
We have a concrete table my husband custom made with phrases we want to describe our family. I was going through a hard time when he made it and I was insistent that he include: “Believe the BEST” even though it made the lines out of whack visually. But I do think we need to Believe the BEST and allow ourselves to TRUST others…And TRUST God to reveal what needs to be revealed in HIS timing.
Much Love, Dear friend!
Praying for someone who hurt you is tough, but yes prayer is powerful and able to change hearts. Proud of you for taking some baby steps. God is with you!
Well I think honesty is a big one, in general. Like with frienships and all the relationships you mentioned. In marriage I think communication is the one. And along with communication comes honesty, idk if I explain myself I guess they come hand in hand. And I also think prise is a weakness. Someone has to be the one to show love and be humble. And alot of times couples want things to go their way, especially new couples, the ones that are beggining their long journeys together like my husband and me.
Another thing that is #1 over all is God. God has to be first, but that is the struggle in my relationship unfortunately my husband is adamant about not going to church with me, bit I pray that one day he will be there with me and my children.
Karen: hi there and wonderful to meet you! Thanks for connecting with me on FB etc. I also appreciate you sharing a little about your life. Know that I am praying for you and your husband as I log off tonight. Keep on sister. God sees you and loves you so. Be encouraged!