Celebrating Beauty

 

“I celebrate your beauty”

Guest post by Emily Wierenga

 

 

Wind catches the curtains in my children’s bedroom. They sleep with flushed cheeks and eyelashes long and every night I check on them before I go to sleep, and every night I feel both afraid and awed by their beauty.

I touch lips to their skin, remember how my mum prayed over me as I grew in her womb, that I wouldn’t be outwardly attractive. Because it was the heart that counted, the inner beauty, she said.

But I knew I had an appearance. I could see it in the mirror. And because my mum never gave me compliments, when I was young, and my dad was often absent, I began to believe I was ugly. Insignificant. Not worth my father’s time or my mother’s affirmation.

As a result I wanted nothing more than to be beautiful.

And for years I chased this elusive beauty until I became anorexic until it nearly killed me.

Even now when my husband tells me I’m pretty, I wonder why he didn’t tell me that yesterday, and what makes me pretty enough today to warrant a compliment, and I’m desperately afraid of him losing interest in me. Of him never being home, like my father.

But I also have my mother’s fear of vanity. Whenever someone comments on how handsome my sons are, I catch myself saying, “I know, it worries me,” instead of, “Thank you,” and I need to stop this. By assigning fear or worry to looks, we give them more power than they deserve.

And why are we afraid? My mum thought beauty could lead to vanity could lead to an eating disorder. So then I got one anyways.

I am learning to celebrate my children in the same way I celebrate a piece of art. I do not fear the beauty found in a sunrise, in mountains, in a cathedral, in a Van Gogh. It’s a beauty that points to a gracious and loving God. So why, then, should I fear it in the flesh?

We always have two choices: to inspire fear, or to inspire love. And I want to inspire love in my children. To help them see everything in their life—appearance, talents, friends, family—as a priceless gift.

So if God has given them good looks, they need to respect those looks (by exhibiting tender loving care towards  themselves, in addition to integrity, modesty, and humility), and if he has given them extraordinary talents, to honor them with those, and so forth.

I will—and do—tell them, “You are so beautiful!” but I also praise them in other areas too, and then I remind them of where these gifts come from: “God has given you a wonderful gift with people,” etcetera.

I don’t want my children to be afraid of anything, because perfect love casts out fear. Rather, I want them to be motivated by the knowledge that the Creator of the Universe loves us enough to give us good and beautiful things.

Including our reflection in the mirror.

Emily Wierenga is a wife, mother, artist, and the author of Chasing Silhouettes: How to help a Love One Battling an Eating Disorder, and Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty and Life After Pregnancy (releasing Mother’s Day 2013).

For more info, please visit www.emilywierenga.com.

 

 

“According to the National Eating Disorder Association, 75 percent of Amercian women (10 million) battle an eating disorder. One in 200 struggles with anorexia nervosa; three in 100 battle bulimia…Time magazine says 80 percent have been on a diet by the time they’ve reached fourth grade.” (Chasing Silhouettes, page 18)

Fourth grade… 10 million… Oh, Jesus see. I know You know the battle that is raging…

Jesus heal.

My heart is burdened. Would you please join me in praying for those who struggle with an eating disorder? Would you join me in praying for the families, counselors, friends, doctors, and pastors who love them and who want to help?

 

I am honored to have Emily share with us today. I purchased a copy of Chasing Silhouettes and couldn’t put it down. If you struggle with your eating, or know a friend or family member who is, please get this book into their hands. Emily beautifully weaves the perspectives of her parents, siblings, friends, spouse, and ED professionals throughout the telling of her own journey. I believe God is using this book to bring hope and healing to many.

I am purchasing two additional copies of Emily’s book. If you would like to win one of the copies, click on the contact tab above and send me an email. All you need to write is: “Please enter me in the giveaway.” I know it takes courage to talk with someone about this issue, so I respect your privacy. I will select two email addresses at random and will contact the winners tomorrow evening via email.

Thank you for joining us today Emily. I thank God for your testimony and for your passion to help others experience the Truth that set you free…