I keep trying to cry today, but I can’t.
All I feel in my heart is peace.
I am able to cook dinner and to play with my babies. I am able to give counsel to my husband and to make it to Bible study. All of these are evidences of God’s strength within me as part of my world crumbles.
My mom, daughter, and me (Christmas 2011)
My lips keep singing His praise, for this is all I know to do.
This is all I want to do.
I submerge myself in Scripture, allow worship music to fill my ears, and I wait for Jesus to speak…
I will not worship her cancer and the “whys” surrounding it.
I will worship I AM.
As Mother’s Day approaches
I want to introduce you to a miracle. Her name is “Foxy” Roxie and she is my mother.
When we first met, October 2, 1975. Gotta love the 70s!
My mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001. After being in remission for 5 ½ years, the cancer returned. It continued to spread into some of her organs, bones, and then into her brain. The doctors believed she wouldn’t make it to my wedding.
She did.
Then God blessed me with her presence as I gave birth to Jackson in December 2008.
My dad, me with Jack, and my mom
And, as I gave birth to Katie in November 2010.
My dad, mom, me with Katie, & Chad.
God allowed her to read the Bible study I recently published and to see the formation of One Degree Ministries. As I continue to share with her the things that God is teaching me, she reminds me of how proud of me she is, and that her dreams for my life have been surpassed.
How good is our God?
On Tuesday, her oncologist told us the news we knew we would eventually hear. The cancer has now spread throughout her entire body. Human treatment options are running out. There are limitations to what science and medications can do.
There are NO limitations to what our God can do.
“Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me,
Bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all his benefits,
Who forgives all your iniquity,
Who heals all your diseases…”
~Psalm 103:1-3, ESV
So, as this particular Mother’s Day approaches I celebrate the miracle that my mother is. I celebrate the amount of time we have had together, and the amount that still remains. I am celebrating the fact that God will completely heal my mother the instant she sees Him face to face. She will never lose this battle.
BEAUTIFUL! It’s all I can say…
Thank you Tristine. God bless you and your mother on your journey too. God is good!
Wonderful, stirring and hopeful! Praise God.
God Bless you in this time of mourning, yet looking forward for her to a pain-free life. I lost my Mom to liver cancer/metastasized from breast cancer, back in 1978. So glad you are with the Lord in your walk. God Bless you both!
Susan-I am sorry to hear about your precious mother. God is most certainly blessing our entire family :). Praising Him with all that is in me!
Tracy, this was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of this morning as I learn to cope with the passing of my stepdad, who really was my dad. He died of lung cancer one week ago and though he may have lost the physical battle here on earth with his body, spiritually he is victorious and is face to face with his Lord. He never wavered in his faith in how God would use his life, no matter what the outcome was. He knew that to be from the absent body was to be present with the Lord. So of course right now I am missing him tremendously but it was a good reminder to not focus on the “whys” and focus on the blessing he was in my life.
God Bless,
April
May God hold all of you tight.
Hi Jennifer-that smile you saw plastered upon my face during our lunch the other day is still there. I really believe it is because God is squeezing us WAY tight. He is so good. Praise Him. Thank you for your love and support during this time.
Tracy you have a beautiful, eternal perspective! I want to print this post and refer back to it for encouragement when I face something similar. Thank you. Still praying for you all.
I’m crying, Tracy. The last sentence put me over the edge. I love your perspective and you are so blessed to have such a wonderful and foxy momma! Praying for you and your family during this time.
xoxo
I love your words. I love your love. You inspire. Your mom is lucky to have you by her side. Beautiful. Simply beautiful!
Thank you Kristen. I have been blessed to have HER. She has sacrificed so much to still be here with us-a true example of love. God is so good!
Perfect. Tears of gratitude.
Thank you Jenet! God is good. ALL the time. He is good!
Agreed with all the other comments. Tears. I am overwhelmed by your solid faith and as said above… eternal perspective. Thank you!
Hi Amy. Thank you for your sweet comment. I praise God for showing Himself to be faithful and merciful to me over the years. He is my everything. Keeping my mind set on things above (Colossians 3:2). Blessings to you!
What a wonderful tribute to your mom and to our God. She is truly blessed to have you there for her. We continue to pray for your family. Gene and LuRita
Dear Tracy,
I’m laying here on my bed with my laptop, and I’m teary eyed. Over your love for your mother, for your God, and over your beautiful, strong, thankful heart! May He continue to bless you as you praise Him. ~ Love, Amy
Hi Amy: He is pouring out so much strength and peace upon my heart. He is so good. He has allowed my mother to see so many wondeful blessings happen in the lives of those she loves. God just leaves me speechless :). Thank you for your comment. May His peace reign in your heart as well my friend.
Tracy,
What an amazing story of your mom. How heartbreaking for you and your family, and yet how truly amazing that she is WINNING! Jesus must love her very much. Please give her a hug for me.
Love, Renee
Renee:
Thank you for your sweet comment. She is indeed WINNING! Will hug Foxy for ya. Love ya, too
Tracy,
You couldn’t have worded that any better!!! I strive to have the strength and faith in God that your mom has displayed all these years. I too can understand that time when our parent has fought the good fight and is finally being called home. God Bless You!!!
Love. 🙂
Tracy,
The only word I can use to describe what you have written is Inspired – inspired by your mom, inspired by your dad, and inspired by our Father. Tears of joy, of sadness, and of inspiration are drying on my cheeks. Thank you Tracy. Jo Cook Millett
Tracy,
Your mom is a testimony of courage, grace, love and tenacity. I have thought a lot of her this week and especially as Mother’s Day approaches. Thank you for your words of praise and celebration. It too, is a testimony of how your mom has influenced your life in the deepest of ways.
Tracy. . . this is so beautiful. I love you & your sister for being the best and most beautiful daughters that a mother could have. You know how much your mother means to me. She is so very blessed. . .
Tracy, I am so blessed to have known your mother for a long time. She always has a smile and a beautiful outlook on life. I see she has passed that on to you. I liked the statement, “I am celebrating the fact that God will completely heal my mother the instant she sees Him face to face. She will never lose this battle.” AMEN!!
Lots of love to your family.
Yes Sheryl, praise Him indeed. He is so so good! Thank you.
My dear friend, I am so sorry to hear your news. I wish I was still in AZ to give you a hug. Praying for you to feel God’s presence and comfort during this time. You are right, our focus is everything! But God can handle our tears too while we grieve too:). He just knows what we need. He just knows…thanks for sharing this with me April.
Hi Chantelle-so wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for your comment. And you go right ahead and print all you want my friend! 🙂 To God be the glory! We really appreciate your prayers. God bless you!
Hi Michelle! Thank you for your sweet comments-they bless me. Our family appreciates your prayers. And yes my mom will always be “foxy” no matter what :). Blessings to you and your sweet little family! God is good!
Gene and LuRita:
Thank you so much for your comment, support, and prayers. We feel them and are thankful for you both. God bless!
Jessica! So good to hear from you. I know you understand sweet friend. Praying God’s continued comfort on you and your family as well. Throughout the last 10 years I have had to lay my mother upon the altar, OVER and OVER. God is patient and we know that He is well acquainted with suffering. So He understands! I have come before Him, asking Him to help strenghten my faith. And guess what-well you just read how He has answered that.:) He IS SO GOOD. Blessings to you also Jessica.
I love that you love it. 🙂
Y’all Jamie is my little sister. (She is also the calmer, wiser, and quieter part of the family. Thankful for her!) She has been walking this journey too and is another AMAZING woman of God!
I love you Jamers-God is so good, isn’t He?
Yes, He is.
All the time, He is good. Praise Him!
Hi sweet Jo!
Thank you for you comment. To God be the glory for our family’s testimony! We appreciate your love and support Jo. God bless you.
Hi Lynda: Thank you for leaving your comment. I know that my parents have appreciated your love and support-I thank you too. Yes, my mother has DEFINITELY taught and modeled what it means to live life for and with Jesus. He is our everything! Blessings to you Lynda!
Chris-so wonderful to hear from you. I thank you for your comment, love, and support! Foxy does know, and know that you are special to her as well. Us Kappas will always remain close! 🙂 Jesus is Lord and is so very very good. Blessings to you also Chris L&L, Tracy
Tracy, how precious the peace God gives those who place their trust in him. Beautiful post.
Dawn:
You have said it perfectly-His peace is PRECIOUS. That is why our family is clinging to God and His Word right now. There is no better comfort, than THE COMFORTER. I appreciate you-blessings to you my friend. To God be the glory!
Sonia: So nice to meet you and thank you for your comment. Roxie will definitely win because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. His death ensured her life would not be lost. How can I not praise Him, despite the tears? He is good. Your love and support is greatly appreciated Sonia. God bless you.
Tracy , Your mom is a very Godly woman & has raised two Godly women ! We find comfort in knowing God will take her pain when she is seated by his side ! Love you & All your Family !
Deb: So good to hear from you. Thank you for your kind comments. Yes the truths of Scripture have brought me great comfort-her pain WILL end. I love how you wrote “by his side.” This is simply amazing! Because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, the veil in the temple was torn in two. We are allowed direct access to God for all eternity because Jesus triumphed over the tomb. OH DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?
Hallelujah, my mom will always be with Him! Deb, we really appreciate all the love and support you have given our family. God bless you.
Beautifully written Tracy! I’m overwhelmed with sadness for your family. I love you all and you’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
Hey Curtis! Thank you for your comment and for your love and support. We appreciate your entire family. In fact, you and your wife are some of the first genuine believers I remember meeting. Thank you for modeling what a Godly marriage looks like. You and Terri’s ministry and example has a left a mark upon me. Chad also thanks you ALOT! Seriously. 🙂 God bless you both.
This absolutely beautiful, Tracy. Sending you a hug right now and praying for you and your family.
Hi Eileen: Thank you for comment and for my hug.:) It is felt and I cherish your prayers during this time. I know that you know, that you know, that you know, this one my friend. As Mother’s Day approaches I am sending a hug and prayers right back to you too. God bless you my friend.
Tears! What amazing strength you all are demonstrating and how it all gives glory to our Lord. It has been an honor to walk with you through this and amen that she is close to winning. I love you dear friend!
Erika: my dear friend, thank you for walking with us. We appreciate your continued prayers as the rest of our journey unfolds.
Death has lost its sting, our Foxy is going to win. Praise the name of Jesus!(Psalm 103:1-3)
I will always remember your mom as she helped me so much when I first started teaching 3rd grade with her. I will never forget the time we celebrated Kansas Day and she bought pudding mix you had to cook and not the instant kind! We had such a laugh with that! I never see brownies with powdered sugar on the top and I remember the famous Roxie brownies! My thoughts and prayers are with all of you! Denise
Hi Denise! SO great to hear from you. I LOVE this story! Her cooking skills have always been the source of “laughter” around our home. And I have to say that her skills got passed onto me:(. My poor husband-ha ha. But you are right, no one can touch her brownies. As she would say-“it is all in the wrist!” 🙂
We appreciate your prayers Denise. God bless you.
Tracy, that is beautiful. Wish I could give all of you a BIG HUG right now. My thought and prayers are with you and your family.
Hi Vina! Thank you for your comment and for your BIG HUG-I can feel it :). We appreciate your prayers. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
(Ok everyone-Vina was MY babysitter way back when. This awesome woman potty trained me and made me eat corndogs for lunch 🙁 So she is way special to me and I think it is awesome that she commented on my blog!)
I just replied to a request of your sisters on the caring bridge:
When and how did you meet my mom?
I met your mother when she became my daughters second grade teacher at Berryton. Her reputation of being the best preceded her and her she far surpassed anything that I had hoped for in a teacher for my daughter, my firstborn. She treated each child as if they were her own but yet with a mission to help them grow beyond as they traveled wiht her through second grade. Leshia was and is my pride and joy as I am sure you and Traci are to her, and her grand children. Roxie helped Leshia get tested for the gifted program. I have some great photos of Roxie with some of her students, especially at Halloween.
What is your FAVORITE memory/story of my mom?
I came to know Roxie more through dance, and Traci. Leshia started taking dance at Barbara’s the next year after she had Roxie as a teacher. I think Roxie danced in the party scene during Leshias first Nutcracker. We continued to run into Roxie over the years as she and Traci stayed involved with dance in much the same way that Leshia would. And of course that wildcat fever was in our family too. I have so many memories of Roxie that intertwine with Leshia and her dancing and Roxies continued interest in that.
How has she touched your life?
Roxie is strength personified through the soul ,of a woman of faith that I can only hope to be half like. She gave and gave so much to teaching but really it was to the individual person, (student, parent, fellow teachers, administration) She has so many jewels in her crown for the lives she touched through her gift of teaching that she so generously shared.
When Leshia and I reminisce her teachers we always always always think of Roxie as one of the best.
Blessings to you as you move through this part of your life. You are in our thoughts Roxie and Jamie and Traci and Wayne and all!
Tracy,
Your mom is a special woman. Her faith is inspiring. She was so comforting to me when I lost my husband, Jim. She and he often talked on the phone about their diseases and about their faith in God. I know he treasured those talks. They gave him much comfort. I know he will be there when she sees our lord and will welcome her home.
One day we will all be together celebrating Mother’s Day in heaven.
God be with Roxie as she fights this terrible disease.
Lori Weir
Hi Lori, it so wonderful to hear from you. I am sorry to hear the news about your beloved husband. I look forward to when we are celebrating in Heaven too. Celebrating the fact that God is with us-He is so good. We thank you for your prayers and support Lori. God bless!
Sweet sister, what a beautiful tribute to your precious mom and our faithful God! Your mom reminds me of my friend, Anita, who just went to Jesus Thursday. As we sang worship songs today, I kept thinking how all God’s promises are completely fulfilled for Anita! Soon, your mom will no longer need the strength of God because all her weakness will be left behind on earth! And what a treasure she leaves behind in her godly, loving daughter! Im so glad to know you!
You said it so beautifully: “she will no longer need the strength of God b/c all her weakness will be LEFT BEHIND on earth!” Amen my friend. This is the only suffering she will endure-it will not follow her into eternity because she has trusted in Jesus for her salvation. Praise Jesus! 🙂 In fact, I just got off Skype with her now. She was smiling today and is simply a miracle!
Thank you for your comment and support my friend. Bless you and Happy Mother’s Day Lee!
Hi Renae:
Thank you so very much for sharing your memories of my mom with me. They are such a blessing to read. Yes, Roxie is quite the pro at pulling my hair into a bun and she just attended Swan Lake with me a couple of weeks ago.:) The Nutcracker where we danced together in the party scene will always be a special memory for us too. 🙂 We appreciate your kindness and support. Please tell Leshia hello for me. God bless!
So powerful. Thank you for sharing this incredible post. The power of God is real and tangible. I love you Tracy and am praying for you mom, sister, dad, you and everyone else.
Shannon, you better believe that God’s power has been tangible to our family throughout this journey!:) I thank you for being there by my side through every “valley” and “mountain top” :). Love you too my dear friend.
To God be the glory! Death has lost its sting…Roxie will win!
Very well done Tracy….a lasting memorial for your father, you and your family. And for all of us. It is very difficult for me to read your posts and your sister’s. Roxie was there for me when I had my cancer in 1993. I have survivor’s guilt and question why such a Godly person with so much to give is near her end of life on this earth, and I am alive. She and your father became very supportive of my boys, Abraham and Jared and are remembered fondly by both. I enjoyed the years at HHCC with your parents. Time and careers have separated us, but they are remembered always. I am saddened by the news. But my God has a plan and He is faithful and I will rely on Him.
Remember:
Cancer is so limited!
It cannot cripple love;
it cannot shatter hope;
it cannot corrode faith;
it cannot destroy peace;
it cannot kill friendships;
it cannot suppress memories;
it cannot silence courage;
it cannot invade the soul;
it cannot steal eternal life;
it cannot conquer the spirit.
Linda: thank you for your comments and for the wonderful reminder of what cancer “is not.” I especially like the last two lines! 🙂 I am thankful that God is who He is-He can handle our questions when life doesn’t make sense! I appreciate your honesty, and I know that He has a special purpose for each day He has planned for you. Praying that you will continue to trust and rely on Him! God bless you, Tracy
Tracy, I read this latest trial for your family with a hurting heart as I remember my own mamma and the empty place in my heart after she went to be with Jesus. Yet, praise Jesus, I know I will be with my mom again, as will you with your sweet mom! That is a gift too wonderful to not share. And share it you do. It is great encouragement to watch how those who know that they know, go through a time of testing in such a different way than those with no hope. And for all of them, I will continue to pray for the peace of Jesus Christ to become evident and real. He is our All!! I love you and so cherish our friendship. I will continue to pray for all of you, with praise and thanksgiving. Adele
Thank you my friend for sharing your heart. I am so thankful for your encouragement over the years and for your prayers. God is good!
I believe the first time met your mom was when my family moved to Topeka and needed a church which might be attended. Mom found out round about way of a church not very far from Shawnee Heights that would be a good one to attend. We started out in this church not knowing too many people but through time, fellowship, involvement with various activities, it was soon to be home. I got to know about you, your mom/dad, and sister through attending youth group especially very first one which involved swimming and a hot tub, this was out at Terry Rosenberry’s house (unsure if this is right or not) anyway I got aquainted with several people and would soon discover more through school. The memory that I hold dear is a time when my younger brother Chris was struggling with situations happening at home and mom was given choice of leaving him there then turning over to social services or giving him an opportunity of starting anew with my grandparents. My mom chose to take Chris out to Goodland and live with the grandparents. I in the meantime needed a place to go and only option available was when mom asked if it wouldn’t be possible to stay at your house just long enough for her to take him towards Goodland, drop off, and return. Your mom was so enthusiastic about the organization International Rainbow for Girls as she once belonged to it and had something in common with me that we could discuss. I even remember one morning maybe afternoon, she brought out this big manila envelope which held all her pins, jewels and such. I thought it was really neat and could extend an invitation to come sometime and see what new things were going on. Your mom has made a difference to so many individuals not only through talking with them, but providing care, showing love in all things, being sincere, and spreading faith to all who is met. I know that somewhere in all this even though not close can still be supportive and understand this will only get better. Take care and if need anything don’t hesitate to call. Talk to you later and remember God is always presents, until we meet again farewell
Ann: thank you for sharing your memories with me. We appreciate your support and prayers. Yes, God is always with us (Psalm 139) is the best source of comfort I know. God bless, Tracy