Do you ever have a song stuck in your head?
One tune that haunts me for no apparent reason is “Tom’s Diner” by Susanne Vega. If you cannot remember hearing this song, do NOT look it up on YouTube. Consider this your warning. Her little “duh da duh da duh da duh da, duh da duh da duh da duh da” will make you crazy.
Trust me on this.
There is another song I stumbled upon months ago. It’s lyrics constantly stream in my mind. I cannot shake them- nor do I want to forget them. They touch and convict me deeply. They provide the basis for the “one word” I am meditating on this year: proof.
Proof: an act or process of showing that something is true. (Webster’s Dictionary)
“If I sing but don’t have love
I waste my breathe with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don’t have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love”
~Lyrics from The Proof Of Your Love by For KING & COUNTRY
The thought of leaving a bitter taste in the mouths of my family and those who read my writing or hear me speak frightens me. Even more frightening is the possibility that my worship is a hollow noise in the ears of my Heavenly Father.
As last year drew to a close, I fear my worship was a hollow noise. I fear that some of my words left a bitter taste- especially in the hearts of my family.
I entered the Holiday season broken. I could not figure out why. I assumed it was because I was missing my mother a whole lot more this Christmas than I did last year. God, however, used the lyrics above to reveal it was more than my grief.
My worship was hollow, and my words bitter because of my need to prove my ability and achieve a certain dream.
My need for others to see my own perfection instead of the perfection of Jesus Christ in me started to consume me.
As a result, I became unhappy and impatient. I began to demand. I compared. I promoted, networked, and promoted some more. I gave numbers the power to sway my mood. My dream became an idol.
God used them to give me a loving kick in my mommy yoga pants. Why? God is jealous for my entire heart. He will not share it with an earthly idol- no matter how “good” or “Christian” it may be.
As I stand back up and smooth out my mommy yoga pants, I know it is time for me to let go of proving myself and become proof of Jesus instead. For even if I achieve my dreams, raise perfect kids, or find a cure for AIDS and do not love~
I am nothing.
I proved nothing.
“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)
So fellow “proofs in progress,” this is what I will meditate on this year. Can I ask you to pray for me? What is one thing or one word that God is calling you to focus on this year? I would be honored to pray for you as well!
Let go of earthly “good” and pursue God’s “best”~
Be proof that JESUS IS.
And in case you are seething because you now have the song “Tom’s Diner” on repeat in your mind, here is a YouTube video of the song that inspired this post. I pray “Proof Of Your Love” gets stuck in your mind now instead- you are welcome!